To quote a friend at a recent wedding;
‘life moments huh, this is a big one.’
Weddings are monumental aren’t they, particularly in the friendship world. They define friendships, and unfortunately they end others.
When you’ve had friends who you’ve spent years by the side of, experienced the ups and downs of many relationships with, the one thing that always seemed certain was that you would be by each other’s sides when the BIG day finally came. Long before you even had a clue who the chosen guy would be.
Then, life happens. Sometimes that once solid friendship is extinguished in the haze of growing up, other life priorities, one silly fight that went too far.
No matter the reason, the result is the same. You move on, so do they. Life goes on. Right?
Well, most days it’s okay. The day to day routine carries on.
But then a biggie comes along. That former friend is walking down the aisle – and you’re not there. You can’t quite believe you’re not there. But you’re not.
You selfishly wonder if you’ll cross their mind when the moment comes – but in many ways you hope that you don’t – because you hope that the day is nothing but perfect for them, because everyone deserves their wedding day to be a joy above all joys.
I’ve learnt some hard lessons regarding friendships in the last year, and am more thankful for those that have flourished and endured. The value of friendship will never be lost on me, friendships past, present, and those still to come.
So today I reflect on the the lessons I have learned, and this week, as a former friend, somewhere else on her journey through life, prepares to become a bride, I remember her at her best.
I am sorry our friendship didn’t withstand the pressures of life and as a result, I am not there for a monumental moment in her life.
Below is my message to her on her wedding day.
We sat by the sea. Car windows open. That same song on repeat ‘head towards the light.’ It’s the summer of 2008, we are tiny 20 year old babies. We get matching tattoos. We talk of all we will achieve, we will start a business, move abroad, become professional groupies – but we will always have each other. We rarely talk about the pains in our past that have caused us to be together – we don’t need to, all there is, is now.
Except ‘now’ is 2018. You’re about to become a wife, and that life doesn’t involve me anymore. We diverged, separated, made different plans for different trips abroad, different businesses, different cars parked on different beaches with different people.
The song still exists, I haven’t played it in some time – too many memories. The tattoo is still there – I catch a glimpse of it in the mirror – glad that some piece of you, of us, will always be with me.
I imagine you in your dress, I remember before we were strangers watching you move in it for the first time, so ethereal within the dressing room walls.
Some people often said we were the only ones who would ever really understand each other. Not even our partners could understand our bond, some even joked that we should just marry each other.
He’s a good one though, your guy. He cares for you – I feel safe in the knowledge that he is so devoted to you and your family. He’s lucky too. You have a character unlike any other, irreverent, sensitive, caring.
I’m eternally thankful neither of us had to settle for those that came before ‘the one’ – we sure did meet some frogs along the way. Funny memories though – worth it for those alone.
You made me feel alive, amibitious, unafraid. I hope at some point I made you feel the same sense of empowerment and that you carry it with you on your wedding day.
I’m sorry the hen didn’t work out – even sorrier that it cost us our bond. But I know there are still others around you who support you in ways I couldn’t.
I wish you, your husband and family every happiness – I know you’d wish the same for me. We were sisters once, we believed we could change the world – we still can.
You once lit up my world with your smile – and I know you will do the same for your friends and family on your special day. I hope it is everything you’ve dreamed of, and worked so hard for.
It’s probably somewhat of a blessing in disguise that I’m not there – we all know I am unstoppable when there’s a microphone, alcohol and an emotional moment on the table.
I’m really sorry I let you down and I’m not there to share this day with you.
I only wish you the best, cool chicks forever, love cats lives on.
Bethie Joe. X